First Impression is always the Last Impression

Nikhil always had a problem with his temper. He was good at heart, good at studies but his temper was what created a lot of problems for him. He always took his best friends for granted and used to shout at them at their little mistakes. Slowly slowly his friends tried to avoid him and he could sense a feeling of loneliness. He did not shout at them because he wanted to let them down , he only thought they were his own people and will know how much he values them. But alas people never used to get that hint.

As time passes by Nikhil passed his school and joined college. Though he encountered a lot of people who were even more short tempered than him yet his anger was something everybody thought to be the highest among them. They never used to think that Nikhil did not say anything to intentionally hurt them and always remembered him as an Angry young man.

Time passed by and Nikhil got a job. Despite having a lot of problems in his personal life Nikhil tried to remain his cool. But the world is never short of evils. There were people who tried to bully him , intentionally tried to tease him and even at his slightest reaction would always tried to cool him saying that he has gone angry and is taking things very seriously.  It was not always his fault all the time. But again it was his impression that came in its way. No matter how much Nikhil tried to improve himself  people never remembered his good things. He always felt upset as his intentions were never wrong. As days passed by Nilhil tried to change him, tried to behave good with people but no matter how much he tried his first impression never gave him a chance of making a second impression. Nikhil had to bear everything and always he used to question himself " If I cant get a second chance then what is the use of changing myself. People will hate me as always then what good will it do to control my anger. It might help from making situations worse but I want the situations to be good." And there was nobody who could answer his questions.

Need for self-motivation

I was once roaming at the book fair organized in the office , looking at the books displayed. Books attract me a lot and though I do not get ample time to read  yet I love seeing them, buying them . Needless to say my house is full of books whose pages even have not been turned. Every time I promise myself not to buy any further but I guess  promises are meant to be broken.

In every book fair I always see a section of management books. Specially self motivation books. I keep on thinking why apart from story books or educational, cookery and comic books are these books increasing in numbers. I was most excited to see a black colored nice looking book with a familiar face in it. It was named as "The Best thing about you is You" by Anupam Kher. Yes I have seen the man acting in various films so out of curiosity I began to flip the pages. I found it interesting and bought it finally.

While I was reading it I realized it is about nothing but self motivation. The problems and solutions discussed seemed very similar to my own. Again it left me wonder why is these kind of books gaining importance these days? Most probably the answer could be the increasing pressure on studies, work, competitions, various household problems etc etc.

I once asked my friend "Do you even remember these kind of books to be so abundant when we were at school? Doesnt our elders also faced a lot of problems when they were at our age ? May be the situation were different at that time but the problems existed as always. So how could they overcome those situations?" To these my friend failed to answer.

I would not say the self motivation books are bad. Yet they try to remind you some very basics of life which we tend to forget as days pass. Many of my friends discourage me to buy them saying that every people will write about only his/her experience or his/her practice. "You may find one author has asked you to maintain a journal and note down the things that you should be doing today. Yes it a good practice but do you really get enough time to follow that? Maximum time you rely on your brain to take a note rather than a journal. Similarly how you should react when you are facing problems in your relationship or office or college etc is totally upto you. Do you remember the lines of the books when you are sad and feel like crying? Do you remember anything when you are terribly angry? "

One colleague of mine once suggested that "every body has their own problems. They way you handle it makes the difference. The lines written in the self motivation books are not something which is unknown to you. You either know it already or know better than that. But again to understand those lines you need to experience the situation. Just like you will find people will give you lectures at every field no matter how much they are experienced themselves. For example if you are in a relationship with a person you may find me giving you suggestions and lectures even if I had never experienced any such things in my whole life.Thats human nature. So how do you think I will understand those lines written in the self motivation books when I myself havent experienced any pain? And again if you face pain in that relationship it is solely upto you  how you handle the situation and come out of it. No self motivation books can help you in that."

Likewise opinions differ. Some even says that they act as a guideline mostly after you fail to achieve something. They remind you some basic things , teach you some simple things which helps you  to move on. I once found a close friend of mine who used to always give lectures on various things in life, to be the most weakest person when it came to handling a pain. He always used to google and find out some inspirational quotes and deliver them to me at the end of the day so that it helps me to cope up with the worst situations but he himself was not a follower of them.

Problems always exist in their full forms be it in the past ,present or future, it will never fade away. They might change the form but will never leave until we are alive. With the increasing work pressure,competitions,exams the difficult moments will appear and disappear . Whatever is written in the self motivation books are also written in the interior of the brain. Only we have to recollect them from time to time and have faith in ourselves. Again it is our mistakes only which we call as "experience" and that "experience" teaches us many things which we can never know by merely reading a book.

O Meri Christmas

It was 25th December 00:30 am and little Neha was waiting for her dad to return from the office. She was sure he would bring Santa Claus along with him and thus was very excited. Despite everybody's persuasion she resisted to go to bed and insisted on keeping socks at the door and window just in case Santa passes by and drops anything on them.

Neha's father returned . Neha rushed towards him asking "Dady, dady you have brought the Santa Claus too?" Tired and stressed he took her in his arms and said "No dear Santa refused to come today.You are still awake at this time? So Santa got upset and said he wont come."

To this little Neha started crying. Neha's mother took her to bed. When she returned to the drawing room she scolded her husband "Why did you say this to her?She is only 9 years old . She waited the whole day for Santa Claus. You could have brought something for her instead of those harsh words. Suraj dont throw your frustrations on the little kid. "

Suraj replied " I am sorry Sheetal. But what will I do . My boss gave me so much work I did not get  time to buy a gift for her. I pleaded him that I need to go out its Christmas eve but that man only listens to his boss and not his reportees."
Sheetal said" Ok fine now. Go and change  and then lets have the dinner."

They slept after dinner at around 1:15 am. But little Neha was still awake. She was crying. She could not make out that Santa was upset at her.Slowly she fall  asleep.

An hour or two passed. There was a sound of the calling bell. Neha woke up suddenly. She thought "Its Santa for sure."

She rushed out of the bed , switched on all the lights of the hall and opened the main door. To her utter amazement there stood a man dressed in red clothes, red cap having a big white beard and carrying a fat red rucksack.

Overjoyed with happiness Neha screamed at the top of her voice  " Mom, Daddy , Bhaiya see who have come...Its Santa Claus." Hearing little Neha scream Suraj and Sheetal rushed to the hall.

To their amazement they found little Neha in the arms of a tall,fat man who dressed somewhat like a Santa Claus. Suraj shouted "Who are you and what are you doing at our house.Why have you picked up my daughter. Keep her down or I will call the police."

To this the man put down Neha and said "Relax, relax I am Santa Claus. I have only come here to give you and your family Christmas presents. Here you are " and he gave one big gift to Neha,two medium sized gifts to her parents and little one for Neha's brother who stood behind his parents.

Santa said"May God bless you all and may only happiness prevails in your life. Let all your wishes get fulfilled."

Suraj replied" Not aplicable for me.My boss is a devil. Always with a hunter after me. No matter how much I work he doesnt give me a leave, I cant buy gifts for my daughter, cant spend time with my family. If you are a real Santa please do something about him. That man is simply crazy. "

Santa god puzzled "Wait wait I am not God I am only Santa I..."
Suraj interrupted "Whoever you are please help me..Either get me another job or kill that man or send him to a mental asylum..Choice is yours."

Santa said "haaaaaaa.."

Sheetal interrupted" Hey Santa please do something about his boss. he doesnt give him increment.I cant do shopping properly.I loved a new diamond necklace set at the nearby jewellery shop but couldnt buy it.Again the kids are growing and we need money for their future. Please give him increment so that I can fulfill all my wishes."

Neha's brother Neeraj appeared from behind and whispered in Santa's ear. "Hey Santa my dad's boss's daughter is my classmate.She is damm pretty and damm hot.Please make her my girlfriend...Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee.."

Santa was utterly surprised . He finally said " I think the only problem in all of your life is your boss. But you also have to understand that it is Christmas and we should make merry for what we have and not think about problems. Problems are there in everyone's life.Wish you all a Merry Christmas and not Meri Christmas. Dont worry I will try to fix things whatever possible.Till then have a good night.. Be cool and keep your worries away."

As Santa was making his way towards the door little Neha pulled him and said "Santa I havent said my wish yet why are leaving so early?"

Santa bent down and asked "Yes darling go ahead...You too have a complaint on your dad's boss?"

Neha replied "No I just want my dad to be happy. He is very tired and overstressed these days. His health is deteriorating and mum has to look after everything.She also gets very tired. Please give them rest,peace and happiness. "

Santa smiled "Hmmm....you are a very nice and intelligent girl."

Santa left and Neha waved at him and slowly said"do come again soon with lots of gifts..."

The next morning Suraj was late for his office. Though it was Christmas Day yet he had to go to office. He was afraid his boss is going to kill him.

The moment he entered his boss's room he started apologizing.."Sorry boss I am late today there was huge traffic.I will start working just now ..Dont worry we will make it..."

His boss said "Hey Suraj calm down man...Work can be done slowly ...Between for the past few days you have worked really fantastic..I had a talk with the highemanagement and we have decided to promote you. Congratulations . And since a lot of you leaves are pending its my advice that you should go for a vacation with your family. After you join you can start working.."

Suraj was awestruck.He couldnt believe his ears. What happened to his boss? Santa really did any magic on him? He was clueless.

He walked out of the room. As he made way towards his cabin he asked one of his friends what happened to his boss. His friend replied " Boss lost his  bet and was punished to disguise as a Santa Claus and go to every employees home and give them presents. He did that and today he is changed..Dunno why...Actually I didnt open the door last night and I cant say about others......

A life full of regrets

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 It was a bright sunny morning. Anjali woke up suddenly after having a bad dream.She sat on the bed and slowly realised she was dreaming. And a couple of days later she is getting married . Slowly she got up and went in front of her window. The Sun was shining brightly and the birds were chirping. It was a beautiful morning. Anjali thought to herself "I dont know what I am doing and why ." She was getting married to a doctor settled in New York. She never wanted to get married to a high profile guy. She wanted a simple, loving and caring husband who can understand her and love her more than anybody else in this world. But call it destiny or anything she was hurt beyond she could tolerate.
Anjali started thinking of her dreams. Suddenly her whole past became alive in front of her eyes. "It was as if yesterday that I was in college. I was happy to have such a nice friend as Piyush. He was the one who made me strive the difficult situations. Without him I wouldnt have been able to figure out the right direction. I slowly liked him and then fell in love . We got engaged and  our world changed. I was never as happy before. I always took the pride that I have selected the most right guy for me. I never wanted too much from him. Everything was going fine . The college ended and a new life started. We started doing jobs. Piyush being an intelligent boy was offered a job with a very high pay package. He shifted to Bangalore and I was in Mumbai. We started talking on the phone. Piyush had a tremendous work pressure. And being a meritorious student his family wanted him to study more. Slowly the pressure from his family and that from the work soon showed in our relationship too. We started quarrelling almost everyday. I dont remember how many sleepless nights I have passed crying for him. One day he told me he was going to US for doing masters.I was happy for him. I tried to calculate the time after how many years will his studies end and we could get married. Slowly time passed by and his time to go to US came closer. He came to Mumbai to meet me for the last time. We had a gala time then. We went to movies,to shopping malls,to parks. He promised me that he will return within 2 years . He knew that I am too much sensitive and hence warned me in advance that it might take some time for him to settle in US. Once he is done we could do video chatting on the internet.  I believed him blindly. He left in the next month. I waited for his mails,calls. I wrote to him several times. But no reply came. I thought may be he is too busy right now. Another month passed by. I got no reply from him. I started worrying. He used to tell me that he will never contact any of his friend once he leaves for US. I used to think that he is saying this in anger. I never wanted it to become true. As more days passed by I started thinking that those words were indeed true. He meant them completely.

I chatted with other friends over the net and asked them if they have any news of him. Nobody knew.I kept consoling myself that I must be thinking too much. Then one day my roommate called me and said she had chatted with him on facebook. I was shocked. Why the hell he didnt reply to my mails when he got the internet? Was my roomie more important than me? I asked her to inform me the next time she chats with him. They again chatted in the next month. My roommate sent  me the chat and this time I could not control my tears. I knew everything was over. I felt betrayed. How could he do this to me? He could have told me that he wants to break up. Why did he give me false assurance? From that day onwards things were never same as before. I changed completely. I did not hang out with friends. I did not contact them. I was not very regular on facebook. Whenever I came online I used to check his profile. Everyday in the morning I used to check my gmail with a slightest hope that he might reply to me. Years passed by but not a single reply has come. My parents wanted me to get married. And they chose a groom for me. The boy is nice. He is doctor in US. He was different than Piyush. Quiet handsome,smart  and well mannered. But I could not forget Piyush. He was my first love. a man whom I have loved and trusted more than myself and who did not think for a second time before betraying me."

By thinking this tears rolled down from Anjali's face. Her marriage was a compromise. She  is getting married only because of her parents. She is not sure if she could love her husband just like Piyush. Anjali slowly turned  away from the window and went to the Puja ghar. She folded hands in front of the GOD and asked "I once thought I am the luckiest person in this world who have made no mistake in selecting her life partner. I now regret the day I befriended him. I now regret that I fell for him. But what was my mistake that you punished me like this?"
As Anjali was saying this to her GOD her mother came and saw her daughter crying ."What happened beta?Why are you standing here at this time?Is everything ok?" Anjali said "Yes Ma" and left.

The day of her marriage arrived. As Anjali was getting ready  she remembered Piyush's words. How he said he would love to see her in bridal dress. As she wore her necklace she thought how Piyush once said that she would look beautiful in that jewellery. She did look gorgeous. But there was no Piyush to appreciate that. All her friends arrived at her wedding but Piyush was missing. With a heavy heart and a compromising attitude towards life Anjali slowly walked to the Mandap thinking of her past dreams which were shattered by the brutal blows of reality.

I once saw a picture where Hema Malini insults Amitabh Bacchan saying that he doesnt have a heart. Amit ji replied "Have you ever heard of any woman dying of heart attack without a few exceptions? We men mostly die of heart attacks because we have hearts." Even Chetan Bhagat's all time best selling novels depicts the fact that a girl plays with a boy's emotion and then she leaves him. But when a heart is broken the pain felt is same in case of the girl as it is in case of the guy. The pain of backstabbing is the same for both the genders and it will last for the lifetime no matter how much life gives you happiness. 

Move on or Run away?

A few months back Farhan Akhtar's film Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara got released. The movie was first named as "Running away from the Bull." But to make the Indian Audience more comfortable a line from Farhan Akhtar's song Rock On was finalised. I was very eager to watch this movie as Hrithik Roshan is my all time favourite. But unfortunately I saw it much later.
The movie is a complete entertainer. I always like the kind of story Farhan Akhtar tries to tell. The director Zoya Akhtar's debut film Luck by Chance also was one of such kind. ZMND showed the vivid scenary of  Spain, the different festivals like the La Tomatina,Running Away From the Bull, the different sports like scooba diving etc. But apart from all these things it showed how to enjoy your life keeping aside all your work,worries etc.It emphasised specially on one point. When the needs of two persons engaged in a relationship clashes, they decide to part ways. And this happened in all the 3's lives. Hrithik Roshan left his girlfriend as her wishes,expectations came in his way of business and money making. Farhan Akhtar's father played by Naseeruddin Shah  left his mother Deepti Naval when she was expecting a baby. The reason is Naseeruddin was not ready then to take the responsibility of a child, to start a family. He wanted to go on enjoying his llife , painting with his brushes and make money. Abhay Deol did not want to marry his fiancée as he felt she had changed completly. The change was only that the girl who valued her job very much wanted to value her life after marriage. But Abhay Deol just simply could not get that idea.

So there goes their famous dialogues" We parted because I wanted something and she wanted something else." Well Farhan Akhtar made no mistakes in portraying the exact new generation or Gen Y. But if we follow this principle are we happy at the end, do we gain everything that we have been looking for? After scooba diving  Hrithik Roshan  started crying when he remembered how harshly he had once said to his girlfriend. Money,career matter most. But does keeping relationship means we will travel together as long as u sing in my notes. The moment u start tuning different I will bid adieu to you?

This particular issue if looked from a different side then it is better as it is hard to keep up with a person who doesnot value your sentiments. But one question still exists are we calling it as moving on or running away? Around 90% people will say it is moving on but deeper in their heart they know the truth is Running away.

What hails to be an Engineer

Engineering--the most talked about study and profession chosen now a days. In the late 90s or before that when there were only few colleges that used to teach engineering and few companies who recruited engineers, engineering had its own value, its own prestige. With the commencement of IT companies be it Indian or American the urge to study engineering increased like anything. Today it is a common name. Whether you like it or not u have to be an engineer after u pass ur +2. The number of colleges has increased so much and the admission to the courses has been lowered so much that many students who do not even know what they are studying and why unfortunately are emerging as successful engineers. The word 'successful' means qualified in terms of studies not in terms of jobs.

And as a result a lot of comedies happen around us.
Comedy No 1
As soon as your Higher Secondary results and Competitive exams results are out all ur relatives,neighbours,relative's relative ---all of whom never bothered to ask about u all through your life, suddenly become too much interested in your marks . They keep on pestering the topic no matter how reluctant you are in revealing what you are actually upto.

Comedy No 2
All of ur sudden appeared well wishers are more interested in the college you are admitted to and the course you are taking. Dont think people are delighted to hear that you are being admitted to an engineering college specially if you are coming from a family where you are the first lady engineer. People will now start giving their advice.(They do not have any expertise in the field of engineering nor any knowledge about the type of jobs engineers have to do yet they consider themselves as KNOW-IT-ALL , courtesy the long gossips they have with their associated people) .

Comedy No 3
The college where you have been admitted ,its location and specifically the companies that visit their campus for student recruitment is a BIG question hovering in their mind 24X7. No matter what their children have done in their lives, whether they are successful or not it is the common habit of almost  every mortal human being to know whether your college gets a campus recruitment or not. If yes then you are admitted to a good college . If no then forget it your degree is not worth and you are worthless.

Comedy No 4
For the next 3 years you are left in peace, the people will suddenly vanish and you will carry out your studies. But they do not vanish completely. If you stay in a hostel and when you visit ur home at the end of a semester the evil relatives will appear and will start asking you about ur studies. Dont think they are showing concern about you. Because at the end they will surely ask you when will your campus recruitment start? Are you getting good marks enough? My niece studied from an engineering college and now she is working in an MNC. She is now in Pune another nephew of mine is now in New York and so on.....Some even ask how much did you get in your semester? If you say  I got above 70% they will give you a curt smile . Did you cross 80% ever? (OMG do you ever know what subjects I had this semester and how tough they were?) If your answer is yes then they reply"then there is a possibility that you will get a job"( As if  the marks only speaks)

Comedy No 5
The dreaded final year . Well job is a luck and all your competitors are as good as you are . So it is always a tough job to compete. Sometimes the requirement of the company is less , sometimes it is merely a betrayal by the luck. But whatever it is it will not bring peace to your mind unless you get a job. Your family and all those SUDDEN well wishers will make your life as hell. You will not be able to go out freely as you will always encounter one person who is keenly interested in your job.If you do get a job they will ask about ur salary,ur posting and will congratulate you briefly and will never appear again. But if you fail to do so they will nag you to death. They will start telling things as if it is ur brain that has got nothing in it .Either you are 3rd class in ur studies or ur not smart enough to bag a job.Frustrations will kill you from inside and specially what will upset you the most is the sad faces of ur parents who also had to be a part of all this.

Comedy No 6
You got a job. You inform your well wishers. They will give u a false impression of being happy for you. They will burn from jealousy. Now all set and you are back to ur own life. After a year or 2 they again appear asking you whether you have ever been to onsite. No matter how much you explain to them they never understand."My sister-in-law's son also works in the same company but he has been to New York,France,Spain .... so many times why is that they are not sending you?" Now who will make them understand. After all they will not understand.

Comedy No 7
"Do you know my sister's daughter? Her name is Payal . She also works where you work . In the same building." God there are thousands of employees working under one roof. How am I supposed to know each one of them? Then they will answer " You people are so hi-fi you might not be knowing them or even try to know them"

Comedy No 8
"How much did you get ur increment? did you get a good appraisal?" Do you ever know what is an appraisal?

Comedy No 9
"Why are you in the same company for the past 5-6 years? people generally jump from one to another and thus get good salary increment." Can I do the thinking please? Its my job afterall and I am its best judge.

Comedy No 10
If it a recession going on , the neighbourhood aunty would ask your mother "Is you son/daughter still working (or has she/he been sacked)? Why ask so ? Would you be happy enough if the answer is yes or would you be kind enough to offer him/her another job?


Like on the comedies go on year after year. Sometimes I do think dont these people have any work on their own? I remember it was my brother's reception. Everyone who were invited , was too concern about where I work. After wishing my brother and my sister-in-law the first thing they said was to ask me "What are doing now dear?" I just thought I am so lucky to be able to answer them or else I would have to bury my face somewhere.

Unfortunately or fortunately people will go on nagging like this. And specially it is with the ENGINEERS. Though now-a-days people do not respect its value as before yet they do not stop from being jealous of them too.

Iti Mrinalini--Film Review

In our busy day to day chores we hardly get a time to sit back and think of others. Iti Mrinali is a Bengali film released recently directed by veteran Bengali actress Aparna Sen.The casts are Konkona Sen Sharma,Rajat Kapoor etc. The film depicts the life of an actress as  an unfinished letter and thus the name of the film. 'Iti' is a Bengali word which we used to write at the end of a letter. Mrinalini is the name of the character.

The film starts with the veteran actress Aparna Sen writing her suicide note and then slowly the film flashes back to the past. A heroine no matter how old can she be would never want to leave her position,her fame. She would hate to do a side role. Actually the bitter truth is that no matter how great actress can u be at ur time but slowly when u become older and make space for the new faces no longer does the media or the people recognizes you. You are then just an experienced artist. And thats what happened to Mrinalini. It was the primiere of  new film released where she was given an elderly role but the media was more interested with the heroine. And again she had an intimate relation with the director, who also promised her to cast as a heroine in his next film. But the producer announced the new young heroine to be the lead actress in their upcoming film. Depressed Mrinalini set herself aside from the launch party. She was too shocked to hear the director saying " U are a veteran and u know u r an old face." She decided to end her life.

Amidst the sea of sadness Mrinalini started recollecting her olden days. She ransacked her old boxes and started looking at her old and precious possessions. The film rolled back to her college days when the young Mrinalini played by Konkona Sen Sharma  and her friends were discussing over various poems. She was a student of presidency college and the camera revealed the old College Street of Kolkata , the nostalgic environment of Indian Coffee House , the trams and the rickshaws. Mrinalini's then boyfriend was a Naxal and was killed by the police. Mrinalini moved on in her life and chose acting as her career. She got an offer to work with one of the finest directors and was awarded for her excellence. The film also showed rivalry between the actors.Mrinalini was casted off  of a film where the director chose another famous actress. But nothing stopped Mrinalini to become a famous name. She worked hard and was even got very much involved with her first director played by Rajat Kapoor. She had a baby daughter who was adopted by her brother and sister-in-law. But ultimately their relation broke as Rajat Kapoor was unable to leave his wife and children. At that time another writer cum friend played by Kaushik Sen became her support.

Everything was going fine. But destiny snatched away her daughter. She was on the verge of committing suicide but death was not so easy. Slowly slowly the time went by and she retired herself from the limelight. She refused many directors until a very tempting offer urged her to work again. And while shooting for the film the set caught fire and she lost her only support ,her dresser whom she loved like anything. 

Mrinalini was so engrossed in her past that she didnt see that the rainy night has made its place for the dawn. Suddenly an sms in her mobile conveying the message of arrival of her dear friend aroused a new hope in her heart. She deferred her idea of suicide and went out for a morning walk with her pet dog. But destiny had something else in store. A boy was chased by gangsters. The boy ran past her but accidentally the bullet shot by the gangsters hit Mrinalini.

Though the end could have been made better yet the film was good. The film showed almost many truths of .the film industry. Brilliant acting by Aparna Sen,Konkona Sen Sharma & Rajat kapoor. It was worth watching.