I,me, myself

I,me,myself is the thought that crosses my mind when I relax after a day of hard work reflecting back on the lessons I have learnt so far. It is absolutely true that no one knows me better than myself. No one can understand my pain better than me. So when people become judgemental about me I tend to retrace step backwards coiling into my shell thus avoiding to share anything more.

I read many articles and blogs where I found people have written that we ask our mirror, we dress to get noticed because we dont know who we are. No, we want to be appreciated. Thats our inherent desire. We dress good to look good, to feel good and if someone appreciates  bingo! thats exactly we want. If thats not the case why would we spring to our defense if someone says anything negative about the same dress? Do we gladly accept and say yes, it is horrible? No.

Till few months back I was in search of few wise men/women who would tell me how I am. What my character is? Do I make a good human being? A good friend? It was like I needed an approval to be me. But from bits and pieces of opinions that I gathered from people around me , my ego immediately gave a disapproval. Hence I concluded that they have not faced situations as I have or since we are different human beings our stimuli responds differently. Thus there is no such wise man/woman whom I am searching. Even if I get them I wont believe them. It is me who can answer all the questions I have.

To describe me in 1 sentence - " a stupid common woman who keeps on faltering and learning"

Love vs Freedom

It took me  a while to understand the topic for Indispire and realise its meaning . Love and Freedom are 2 completely different words with different meanings and should never be mixed with each other. Incase it should be mixed , it depends on the type of relation we are considering. A parent would be strict in the matter of freedom as it may hamper the child's growth. That doesnt mean the love is less in any way.

I have seen during college days my room mates used to give up dressing the way they want because their boyfriends didnot approve it. Thats something which even they found weird but followed because their love surpassed logic. Their freedom of dressing, freedom of mixing with other guys were restricted because their so called boyfriends were simply jealous.

Coming to freedom of speech nowadays people are more open to say anything they want. Gone are those days when people used to be tolerant. Now with the increasing rate of divorces we are proving that we are anything but tolerant. I have seen a girl who used stay with me in Chennai, misuses her independence. She was very soft spoken and always kept to herself. But from her life stories I gathered that she was brought up in strictness and once she is away from her home, she used her freedom the way she liked as if in protest to all the misdeeds happened.

It is unquestionable that people will always choose freedom above everything else. We were born free , we live free and die free. We might give into people's wish thinking that there is love but we cant sustain that.If people are not allowed to express freely they are sure to burst out one day. That has got no linking with love. It is stemming from other emotions like self worth, dignity etc. Imposing restrictions on meaningless matters harm a relation much more.If there is love there should be understanding and the other person should understand your restriction well enough to not consider it one. That will pave way for a happy relation.

Are you happy with your life?

It is a tough question when I ask people whether they are happy with what life had offered or is offering now. Many have answered I would like to undo many of my mistakes, avoid all the troubles that I had to face.

Well given a choice wouldnt we all want to lead a life full of only happiness? We would have luxury as our top priority and forget all the pain staking work that we do to earn our living. The negativities wouldnt have existed. But think for a minute. What good would it have done to us? We are because of our decisions- be it good or bad. If it was good we are happy, if it was bad we are humble. How boring would life had been had it not for the obstacles that come our way.

Looking back at life I do feel some unnecessary decisions should have been avoided. Some childish attitude should have been curbed. But as they say with time you become more wise, I realised that they were not to be repeated. The uncertainty of life is what makes it so sweet. You keep on planning for a future you know not. Had it been  your choice of life, I bet no one would have ever liked the word "Challenge". Life would have been dull. So you need negativity to remain firm with positive belief.You need obstacles to test your skills, your patience.

I dont want to alter my life. Whatever gone is gone. Maybe for good. What is upfront I know not. Still I am hopeful to deal with every situation with utmost maturity and yes a cool mind. If success can make a man King overnight, tragedy will make him humble. All our greatest poets, musicians,painters had to go through immense pain to come out unscathed and ever shining as a diamond.

At the end before I breathe my last I would like to say that I lived life on my own terms no matter how good or bad the situation was. I am responsible for what I am today and may Almighty forgive me for something I didnt do right.