Word and its power

On a fine morning as I was getting ready for going to office there arose a heated argument with a family member. It was over trivial things which later got sorted but left a scar behind. It had such deep an impact that even today as I remember them, a droplet of tear appears at the corner of my eye.

In the workplace when I get dumb people to supervise who dont understand even after repeated discussions , my angry words brought disappointment and tears to atleast 2 humble beings who were humble enough to cry and admit in front of me. But I said nothing personal. I was strict, maybe rude. That kept me wondering could I have handled it with some empathy? Now when you have a work to be done and all you get are dumb fools do you really care for empathy? May be I could have but at that moment I did not.

But then what is the difference between me and my relative? Both were rude. Both said things which hurt. But what was that hurt more? An opportunity to improve or a baseless statement made at your character without knowing you fully? A flaw pointed out and asked to be worked upon or simply branded as something which is far from truth.

The more irritating are those who out of nowhere disturb your inner peace by blurting out some sarcasm which they should have saved for later. 

Can we for a second stop and analyze how would we have felt had we been on the receiver’s side? What defines mannerism, polishness, politeness, well behaved, well educated? A grocery seller sells much more than his competitors just by behaving fantastically. A real estate agent sells more house than others just by his good behavior, gesture, empathy and most important choice of right words. A lot more examples can be cited. But my point remains the same. Choose the right words. Even if it is to rebuke someone stick only to the flaw and don’t go to the character. Words cut deeper than swords. And they leave marks. People might not remain but their words will. And just like an arrow sentences spoken with utmost rudeness can never be taken back no matter how much you apologize later.

An Independent Interview

The doorbell rang at sharp 8:00 am. The maid opened the door. 

"We are from AzadIndia TV channel. We have an apointment with Ms Aparna today" said a guy in early thirties wearing a light blue formal shirt and black trouser and a dark blue tie with an Indian badge . 

"Yes,please come in, I will inform Mam",the maid replied.

After about an hour the guy was sitting in the drawing room with a lady in her mid thirties wearing a white salwar kameez with blue dupatta.

The camera rolled and they went live.

"Hello everyone, good morning, this is Akash Srivastava reporting from AzadIndia TV. Today we are celebrating Indian Independence with the national award winning film director Ms Aparna Basu.

So Ms Basu how are you feeling right now after winning the national award?
Aparna: I am feeling more confident than ever.

Akash: What is the response from the team with whom you worked?
Aparna: Well this is a victory for all and not me alone. We work together and hence its our victory.

Akash: Ms Basu as India celebrates her 72nd Independence how would you motivate our viewers?
Aparna: Let me start by asking you a question Akash. Do you know who wrote the song "Saare Jahan se accha"?

Akash looked a little puzzled.  He scratched his head but couldnt get the answer. Smart as he is he replied wittily I dont remember that right now but I can sing the song if u ask.

Aparna smiled and continued : You see we have been independent since 71 years yet every year the media goes around the streets and colleges highlighting people who knows little about our history. We consider us to be free but are more happy to ridicule a person whose knowledge may be insufficient in terms of Indian history. 

I will tell you a story. I hail from a very proud Bengali family and my forefathers were involved in freedom movements.  While I was a fresher studying in the 1st year of my college some journalists came and asked us to sit for a quiz contest about India. I reluctantly sat and was handed a question paper and answer sheet. One of the questions asked "Who wrote Vande Mataram and Sare Jahan se Accha?" Being very young I did not recollect the names at that point of time. I was confused between Bankim Chandra Chattopadhyay and Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay. I will tell you at that time I haven't read much of their literary works . So even though I had some idea about Vande Mataram I had absolutely no clue who wrote Sare Jahan se accha. I reluctantly wrote Jawaharlal Nehru. Winning quiz competitions were not one of my likings. And similarly there were few more questions which I answered absolutely incorrect.

The next day I featured in a supplement of an English daily as the results were declared. I featured among the Top Losers. That day was 15th August and my parents scolded me like anything. I was ridiculed by my seniors at college, friends and class mates, relatives and neighbors. I admit I must have known the answers but today I want to ask the media is ignorance a crime?

Just like you now dont recollect the author of Saare Jahan se accha to be Mohammad Iqbal, I believe you wont be terminated from your work, similarly there are thousands of us who are unaware of who the President of India is at present. And I dont think India will disown them either.

But what did you gain by ridiculing a young lady studying at college? When you print in your newspaper or show them in your channel not only they, their family members are ridiculed as well. And its not easy to remove such instances from peoples' memories. 

I dont see newspapers printing stories of how India has fared in the last 71 years and where we can improve.

We dont preach people about some of our glories like

• India has 29 states and 7 union territories
• We are a land with population of over 132 crores practicing  different religions
• We have 22  major languages with 13 different scripts and over 700 dialects.
• We have around 82237 newspapers printed in those languages
• India's economy rank to be 6th largest by nominal GDP and 3rd largest by purchasing power parity
• We have the 2nd largest army in the world
• India ranks 2nd world's nation where English is most spoken
• Our nuclear power is the 5th largest source of electricity. We have around 22 nuclear reactors operating in 7 nuclear power plants
• India ranks 3rd in nuclear power installations

to name a few of the many advancement we made in the last 71 years.

Yes we all must know about our roots and history but lets not teach our people through insult and mockery, lets enlighten them with our knowledge, lets instill hope and courage and encourage them to move ahead. Let us show the positivity amongst the negativities. Let the media behave more sensibly and responsibly and most important sympathetically towards our country. Then only we can truly cherish a free India. Jai Hind"

Book Review: One Part Woman

One Part Woman signifies the God who we call “Ardhnariswar” meaning half man and half woman. It signifies that the world is incomplete without the very existence of both man and woman. And without them the world cannot sustain. One Part Woman is a book written by Perumal Murugan depicting one of the biggest issues of modern day — Infertility. Its a story about a rural couple working as a farmer in Southern Part of India where the woman failed to conceive even after 12 years of nuptial bliss.

The book shows the very pain the couple goes through when they are taunted by almost everyone in the village starting from immediate family members to neighbors and friends to outcasting them in every auspicious occasions just because they failed to produce an heir.  If they retaliate people stop speaking to them. The taunts were provocative enough to cause grief to the already grieved. And they seem to be at fault if anything goes wrong. If the crops doesn’t yield good harvest it is because  a “barren” woman has planted them. Barren or “baaj” as we call in our local language applies to the woman who don’t have a child. The entire book deals with the humiliation and they innumerable offerings to temples to satisfy God and get his blessings. They leave no stone unturned in this process. The ending is not smooth neither does it ends in a happy or positive note.

Ponna and Kali were married for 12 years and from the first month of her marriage she is expecting not to menstruate but everytime she does and cries at the barn. Things doesn’t get change to the slightest even after repeated and numerous offerings to the temples.  And finally Ponna was made to sleep with another man just to see if the problem was with her or Kali. And that thing was considered sacred among the villagers as it was a part of monthly festival.

The book is a good read with a very captivating way of writing but the story loses its sheen at the end. The same humiliation spoken in different ways but doesn’t show any way out. Infertility is no doubt is as grave and as emotionally draining disease where human have absolutely less control. It definitely questions 2 persons their motives of existence. As if you were born to give birth and if you fail you are no human.

Apart from Inertility the book shows the importance of education. At least I believe it to be so. If they were educated they would have consulted a doctor. And not keep doing rounds of temples. Also the people around them would have been considerate on these matters. Lack of education,knowledge adds to their woes.

Personally saying I was disappointed at the end. The end wasn’t half as beautiful as the beginning, The author could have shown how the couple overcame their curse. The word “curse” was used in the book but in general Infertility is not a curse. Its same as Cancer, Heart problems where you can only try to keep things under control but not cure it completely. Probably the author wanted to show that not every couple have kids and that results in the breaking of marriage. The years of trust, love  breaks just because you don’t produce a child. Again would have loved had the couple showed strength of character and dealt with situation firmly and positively.

If I ever wish to rewind

Sitting idly Anita was getting restless. Its been months since she had moved to the city of Charlotte where her husband is now posted for an onsite opportunity. She wasnt working before and hence it wasnt an issue for her to relocate. Her husband is always busy with his office laptop both at office and home. The pressure of work at straight client’s office make him nervous.

All day boredom drove Anita to think everything under the Sun and Moon. She did household chores and occasionaly went out but most of the day she has nothing to do. She wasnt much eager to indulge in social media or internet. Slowly this turned to a little depression. And when her husband Anand returned in the evening and get busy with his laptop Anita would have a splurge of displeasure inside her. She initially thought of talking about this but it yielded no results. Hence started the inevitable argument. At one point it became so drastic that they both decided to part ways and Anita wished to return to India.

Anand, sandwiched between office and home couldnt make out what changed so dramatically in all these months. He simple couldnt understand why Anita would not find something for herself to keep her busy.

A collegue of Anand suggested that he take her to a psychiatric, may be that could ease a bit of situation. But as soon as Anita heard about that she refused thinking Anand thinks her to be mad.

One day Anand left for woark early that morning. They werent in talking terms last few days. There were important meetings scheduled that day and hence he became extra cautious. During lunch hour he sat lonely in a table at cafeteria thinking about how sour his life has turned when he heard a female voice. He looked up to find his client manager Ranjana standing with her plate.

“Hey Anand. Would you mind if I sit with you?” Ranjana smiled
“Yeah sure. Please.”
“You arent bringing your lunch for few days. Is it?”
“Yeah..I dont wish to bother my wife as I always had to leave early in the morning.”
“Oh I see. You must be having a beautiful married life as you both care so much for each other."

Anand smiled and said to himself “I wish.."

“So how long are you married?”
Anand replied “2 years and just after getting married I am posted here."

"But why do I see you spending too much time at office? I see you logging in to the system for more than 12 hours per day. Is there something wrong? We can discuss and sort them."

“Oh no nothing. Its just that I wish to return late at home so that my wife shouldnt be too bothered about dinner. She can sleep peacefully while I can arrange on my own and give her a relief” Anand lied.

Ranjana said “You know its been years since I last saw my husband. We got married 10 years back and soon after marriage I thought I could do a bit more of my studies. I always wanted to study much but marriage came in between. I cracked the GMAT exam and almost fought with my in laws to come to US. My husband was neutral. I came here and started studying. Once I completed I got an excellent offer at a company in California. Few years later my husband came to US on an onsite opportunity. He wanted to shift to my apartment. But I was too busy with my own world and hardly had time for anyting, let alone him. The quest to earn money and more money and most importantly to be very very important cost me my marriage. We used to quarrel a lot just because we never had enough time for each other. Or to say I never had time for him. He left with a heavy heart and we both parted ways.

From then I went to different cities in America doing work and more work but today I realise I have no one when I return home. I wish to leave early but I have no one to talk to , to make dinner for, to go out for movies. I have lots of friends but not life partner. The day I realised his importance it was too late. I wanted to return back but was shocked to see him remarrying. I never again thought of getting married to anyone just out of this guilt.

I am sorry to share all this with you. Actually I got to hear that you and your wife are getting divorced. I wont disclose from where I got the news but just thought of giving you a piece of advice now since I know you for almost a couple of years. Anand we together can make out the priorities of work and complete them on time. I would ask the management to allow additional resources if u need so. But please go home on time and make your marriage work. If there is anything I wish to rewind in my life it is the time I got my huband here. I could now leave everything for him—my job,my money, my position. But he is not there anymore, waiting for me. So please dont repeat my foolishness. She deserves your time,love and respect. Give her that. Atleast give your marriage 1 more chance.

Ranjana was in tears and hurriedly got up and left. Anand knew too well that Ranjana would soon change her mood the moment she arrives back at her desk. But what she told him was simply unexpected.

2 hrs later

Anita was busy surfing the internet and finding out information about divorce filing when the doorbell rang. She went up thinking who the hell has arrived in the afternoon. As she opened the door she found Anand standing there. She left the door open and returned back to her room and started working on the laptop as before. Anand slowly sat beside her and asked “Anita are you sure you will leave me?"

Anita looked up, surprised by what she heard just now. Anand continued “I am sorry for all the things Anita. Can we not give it 1 last try? From now onwards I will return home early and I am thinking of returning to India. We can have our old life back Anita and we can again be happy. For now lets rewind our good old days and forget what went wrong. Please forgive me."

They both hugged each other while tears rolled down their cheeks.

At night Anand messaged Ranjana saying “Thanks Ranjana.Today we rewound our good old days and hence saved the marriage from breaking. I will always be grateful to you for that."

Moral Policing

It was supposed to be a normal day at work. Amidst work I have a habbit of surfing the net and search for either news or do online shopping. Nothing new we all do that thanks to our very convinient smart phones and cheap mobile data. 1 news caught my sight and that was really alarming. A couple was thrashed outside a metro for behaving indecently. And they were thrashed by few old men. Now what the actual scenario was, nobody knows. All that came out was that the couple was hugging and kissing each other which was objectionable to the elderly and hence the assault. The news was circulated in social media and news channels and people took no time to raise an uproar. Facebook site was flooded with people’s views and everyone including celebrities joined them. Facebook,Instagram and twitter became the platform for protest. And there comes the cons. The ignorance of the entire episode led to few people take advantage and release the videos that the couple were almost practising coitus. The elderly objecting them lead to a heated argument and resulted in assault. We dont know whom to believe. There were surveys taken by RJs’ about peoples’ reactions. And everyone condemned the assult. The next day one of my collegues named few cities where people are thrashed with sticks for displaying affction in public. We all laughed at his comments but again as I searched the internet there was only 1 question lurking. Why do you not protest when a girl is raped or murdered? Why do not protest when people pee openly? Why do you not protest when people spit on the streets? Where are those moral polices then? Was it absolutely necessary to thrash a young couple for hugging and kissing (even if they went beyond that). And apart from all these unanswered questions I would like to add few questions to the young couples. Was it absolutely necessary to display your personal life in public? What did you gain by showing this? How do you think people would react if they see you like this? Is it not natural that people can and will protest? If we wish to dawn the hat of a morl police we better do it for the right cause. Or else such things will gain importance and will become a practice.