English Vinglish

It was last friday when I took out a few moments of my busy schedule and was reading a blog written by a colleague of mine. I dont know him and havent heard his name before mainly becoz he is in another city. What intrigued me most was his bravery in confessing that he is poor in English when it comes to speaking.

He fully confessed that even though after being studied in an English Medium school he lacked the required fluency that he is expected to have and for this sole reason he even got the lowest performance rating in the year end. He belongs to the southern part of India where mostly all the people know english more or less, yet he proudly confessed that his vernacular is much more strong compared to this foreign language.

This very blog reminded me of many such situations which we face when we are somehow unable to communicate properly in English or rather some of our dear friends or colleagues face this problem. I was reminded of a girl in my college days who used to suffer from inferiority complex just because she was weak in speaking english. But on the contrary I have found many of them who take this as a challenge and improve themselves a lot and that too much better than those who claim to be too eloquent in english.

I find this whole issue to be rather funny. India ranks the 2nd country where English is spoken the most. People love to communicate or rather add one or two lines in english and pretend that they dont know their mother tongue too well, predominant  mostly in celebs or typical "high class society" people. For those who have studied abroad or have lived a few years of their life abroad I have found this tendency of showing off their english fluency. Well nothing is wrong with that until and unless u disrespect your very own mother tongue pretending that you are too poor at it.

The jobs nowadays specially those who are in IT, require fluency in english because they have to deal with foreign clients and people from different parts of the world. So over the years I have experienced that maximum of those who are weak in english either become too self conscious or suffer from inferiority complex and hating others or are bold enough to make their weakness as their biggest strength. And very few of them try to continue the way they speak being least bothered as to how their english might sound to the others. No matter how poor they might sound they pretend themselves to be the best speaker. :)

Well we have all  appreciated that colleague of mine for his brave confession for this funny but serious and well known issue and in my opinion if we are brave enough to admit our shortcomings and improve them then I guess it will be a different world all total. Isnt it ?

Suspcion

"We went for shopping and then a movie..And you know what the movie was dam good...." remarked Seema , my collegue and one of my good friends.

But who knows what destiny had in store for her.
I still remember the date. It was 5th March. As I entered my office sharp at 9:30 am  I found her sitting at her cubicle with heads down and hands clutching her long hairs - a sign of stress or exhaustion. I was surprising  as she is never that early to office anyday. Then suddenly I recollected that she had told me about her fight with her husband yesterday .

At about 10:30 a.m after finishing some client calls and replying to some emails I thought of asking her to go for a cup of tea. As I approached her cabin she gave me a quite blank look. I could make out from her sleep deprived and tired red eyes that she had cried all  night and was not at all fit for office that day.  Being cautious on not to indulge in her personal matters too much I casually asked her " Hey Seema what happened yaar,wanna go for a tea?"

At the cafeteria Seema broke down " I cant take it any more Rashmi, I simply cant. I want to die."


After consoling her for almost an hour she finally disclosed that the main reason behind all her problems was  her husband being extremely suspicious about her. As for a lady like Seema was it was never a problem  to befriend anybody. Her's was a love marriage but somehow her husband was suspicious about her right from the beginning. And this time he was seriously suspecting Seema having an extra marital affair with a guy in her office named Kaushik. Seema and Kaushik were good friends right from their college days but somehow her husband was uncomfortable about this fact.And hence a series of misunderstandings and quarrels followed  making her life as hell .

 I kept on consoling her knowing very well that this cant actually heal the pain she is suffering from. After another half and hour she calmed down but decided to leave for the day citing some health issues to her supervisor.

The moment she stepped out, a group of  team members gathered for a gossip. They were somehow aware of all her personal issues and found  that to be a great masala topic to discuss and laugh.Curious to know what was going on  I joined the group.

 " Arrey her character is highly suspicious. Being a married woman if she goes on having affairs with others how can her husband tolerate that? I have asked him to keep an eye on her. Had it been me I would have straight away divorced such a bitch." said Sandeep.

I protested "But why on this earth did you try to say anything to her husband? First of all its her life. She has the right to do anything . We are nobody to comment. And that to complaining directly to her husband is like......." Sandeep cut me in the middle of the sentence " Arrey choro bbhi Rashmi , I know she is a good friend of yours but truth is truth and it would have been the same had it been you or any other woman.The society is not so liberal to allow any married woman have another relationship outside her marriage"

Extremely irritated I went back to my seat and resumed work thinking how disgusting can people be at some times.

Next day as I was leaving for my office I got a call from Kaushik. He was unable to speak.After gathering a lot of courage he finally said " Rashmi, Seema is no more. She has committed suicide last night. And I am guilty for her death."

Needless to say I was extremely shocked. Without uttering another word I took a taxi straight to her house. There was a huge crowd. I slowly entered their drawing room only to find  her dead body wrapped in a red saree and her mother crying too loudly. Her face looked calm as if she had finally attained the peace she was desperately seeking. Her husband Ashish stood at one corner of the house looking still. I couldnt believe that such a confident girl as Seema could end her life like this and how heartless can a man be to let her do that.

As my eyes met with that of Ashish's I questioned him in my mind " How could you let this happen?" But Ashish's eyes returned me a look saying "I never wanted this thing to happen." 

They had a serious fight last night after which Seema left the house. She was driving the car which collided with a truck on the highway. She was rushed to the hospital by the local where she was declared brought dead. Somebody called up Ashish after taking number from her cell  and informed him about the happenings.

As her final rituals were performed Sandeep stood by her funeral pyre and told to himself  "Sorry my dear lady. Had you ever understood how much I love you , today you could have been alive. I am sorry to see you dead but seeing you in somebody else's arm was equally painful for me. I had no option but to provoke your husband. And since I share a very good relationship with you 2 nobody can suspect that it was me who did all the things which could make it evident that you were having an extra marital affair. I just wanted you to leave him and come to me. But it wasnt destined to. Good bye my love. We shall meet again , this time in heaven and this time you will be only mine."

The next day the newspaper read " A woman died in a road accident: Love triangle suspected"
 The police arrested Kaushik following a complaint from Ashish but released him soon as there were no proofs.

Film Review : Life of Pi

The month of November was quite crucial for Bollywood and also was a very exciting period for the viewers. With the releases of movies of 2 of the famous Khans everybody's attention was focused on only their pictures. Myself being no different from the rest of the movie lovers also thought that those 2 movies are a must watch. But personally speaking they turned out to be an utter disappointment. Meanwhile there was a buzz in my office one day that the movie Life of Pi was nice and was worth watching.

Nevertheless my friends were more inclined to see that movie after the reviews came out. I was not so much highly interested but thought of going with the others choice. Afterall I do love watching movies. And with friends around its really fun.

To say about the film in one sentence I would say it was  AWESOME. Should be awarded for the best cinematography as I fell in love with the places and scenaries. Specially with the 3D effect it was as if I am viewing a live aquarium. The film casting was  not very hifi or  too star studded. Tabu and Irfan Khan was awesome as before. The newcomer boy Suraj Sharma who played the young "Pi Patel" did a good job.

The movie had many lessons. It taught us how to survive even at the most worst situation. I read somewhere that God never gives you such challenges which you can never face. So when the young Pi was travelling to Canada with his family and faced a ship wreck his only friend was the Royal Bengal Tiger " Richard Parker" .  In order to save from him and keep himself alive he did everything that was possible. He did not hope to live and dying was an easy option. But   he went on with one mantra "above all never lose hope" . He found new means to survive on sea and the tiger never left him in his tough times. The boy thought animals also had feelings but as his father has taught him once he believed that " you only see your own emotions reflected back in the tiger's eyes."

After many days of fighting when he was finally weak and fatigued he could see the animal also dying out of hunger and weakness. The animal who was his greatest fear became his greatest friend. He held his head and patted him and cried thinking that this was the end of both of them.

God's decision is always unpredictable. Just when he had lost all hope he reached a beach . He was weak enough to walk. But as he lied over the sand Richard Parker went ahead with his  remaining strength and stopped in front of the bush.  Pi thought he would turn around once to say goodbye before leaving but he didnt. Pi was rescued by other fishermen on that beach and while they took away he cried like a child only becoz his friend has left him without notifying.

There were certain realizations which Pi had in the movie. God never left him alone even when he thought he was abandoned. God gave him all the strength and courage to move on and live. It would have been very easy to kill himself but what made it difficult was to survive. How many tomes in a day do we think " Oh God  its too much for me.. I cant take it".. We do take it . Dont we? With every single day we do pass through all the difficulties we think we can never face. And most of the important thing God does give us one way of hope. Be it by means of a human being or an animal. And they help us, encourage us to move forward . And once day when their purpose is over they leave.

That is why Pi cried like a child just becoz the tiger broke his heart. His part was over. Pi was safe then. It did remind me that God do send angels. I dont mean to be religious or anything. But the truth is we do get people in our tough times who become our greatest strength. We love them and finally one day they leave us without saying goodbye. They break our heart but after that we realize that we have grown much stronger than we were. But we never forget them in our whole life. How can we .. we loved them na....

Worth mentioning are the dialogues " When i was struggling for my life god was watching"

  "when i have left hope god was watching"

  "when i felt abandoned god was watching"

God does watches us. In corporate terms he provide us enough resources to meet our risks and needs. :)

Overall the movie is a worth watching and many time watching film. Its lessons are simple but hard coded truth. Paisa Vasool movie in short ;)

One fine Sunday morning

Weekends are always relaxing. After a tiresome week at office I enjoy sleeping as much as I can on the weekends. It was once such Sunday morning. Dated 3rd September. Time was probably 8 o'clock. Suddenly my phone started vibrating. I hate it when somebody disturbs my  sleep. Too dreamy to speak I picked up my cell. It was Sagar, my boyfriend. Too feebly I spoke " Hello".
Sagar : Hey sweetheart..still sleeping?
Me: (Yawning) Yes darling.. Its sunday na...
Sagar: (Smiling) Hmmmm
Me: What happened?? Why are you smiling?
Sagar: Nothing... I just love it when you yawn like a baby.. I wish I could see you.
Me: (Smiling) Umm.
Sagar : Now get up darling , I have a surprise for you. Dont you want to see Ranbir Kapoor's movie? I tried hard to get 2 tickets.. Please dear dont be late. I will be waiting for you at Priya Cinemas sharp 10 o'clock.
Hearing that I sat up on the bed.
Me: What 10 a.m ?? Its 8 already now? OMG .. Why didnt you tell me before?
Sagar : (Laughing) I told you na... surprise...
Me: Youuuuuuuu. Always spoiling my sleep.
I hung up. Quickly got out of the bed. I was rushing to get ready to go out. My mom insisted that I take umbrellas with me and be back on time in the evening. Though I hate taking umbrellas yet I cannot turn down her requests. After all its mother's love.

 At sharp 10 o'clock I reached Priya cinemas. It was a beautiful morning with the Sun shining brightly as if it was too enjoying a relaxed Sunday. My mood automatically gets better to see such a wonderful morning.

I could see Sagar standing while I crossed the roads.

Sagar : Sorry darling the show is at 11 a.m . We still have 1 hour.

Me : What ?? You just said you have got the tickets and it is at 10 o'clock..

Sagar : I actually lied to you. Sorry darling.. I just stood in the line for 1 hour to buy the tickets. My internet was down. I knew how much you would like the movie though Ranbir Kapoor cannot love you more than me. Still it will make my girl happy.

Now  who would not be happy to hear such great words.. Yes I was smiling at them and was being proud of him. And thinking how unpredictable he is at times..

Me: So.... you finally got the tickets?

Sagar : Yup...2 balcony tickets.

Me: So now..where to go? There isnt a place where we can sit.

Sagar: Lets go to a shopping mall. Lets c how can we spend the idle time.

We started walking towards Ballygunge. Its a long distance. I swear I would never have walked all those distance had this been some other day. But with Sagar.. even the big distance looked small. I never knew I could walk with so energy. We chatted, visited shops, bought cold drinks and finally came back at 11 o'clock. Needless to say the movie was awesome. Being a die hard admirer of Ranbir Kapoor my interests were too intrigued. Sagar was getting jealous in between and I was secretly enjoying his jealousy.

 After that we headed for Park Street where we had an awesome lunch. And never missed out his favourite chocolate ice cream . His second love..I always liked his innocence for his chocolate ice cream. No matter which type of dish do we have it always have to end up with chocolate ice cream. No other flavor allowed.

We spend some time shopping and walking round the streets of Park Street.  It was just then when his phone rang and his mother called him immediately because there was an urgency. We hurried to the metro station. Quickly  bought the tickets. The train would be arriving within a couple of minutes. As we hurried through the steps I stumbled and was about to fall when I just regained my balance. Sagar was in front of me. He kept on running without looking back at me. The train arrived. It was a busy  time then God knows why and people were rushing. I was irritated to see so much rush even on Sunday. Was trying my best to catch up with him but somehow the crowd was pushing me out. Amidst such a crowd I could see Sagar getting up on the train. I thought to myself how much does he panicked  the moment his mom calls him. Will she eat him up if he is a minute or two late? Whats the point in hurrying at the top of your breath?

But somehow I could not  make it to the door. I kept on screaming Sagar's name. I couldnt see him. The crowd continued to push me, shout at me but I paid no heed. I kept on looking for Sagar. No. There was no sign of him. Where was he? Where did he go? Thoughts and worries were racing my mind and piercing like a spear. Meanwhile the train left...




Suddenly I sat up on the bed, horrified, sweating and taking deep breaths.

It was 3rd September, a sunday morning. Time 8 o'clock. The sun was shining at its best . The birds were chirping . All in all a happy and joyful holiday mood was prevailing.

Slowly I calmed down. I was dreaming. Its been more than 2 years since we broke up. I felt a tinge of tears at one corner of my eye. I couldnt understand what does this tear signify? Is it because I remembered those days or is it because I still miss that person and my pains have again taken a front seat no matter how much I try to push them back? I slowly got out of the bed with no hurry to go somewhere else. I smiled to myself and said " Whatever be it , I have to move on."

Life is all about making choices

I cant let it go. I have tried many a time not to think. But no...its simply not working.. I can still fell the pain. What did I do to deserve this? I was not the cause of your suffering then why.....

These questions kept on hovering Anita's mind as she sat quietly beside the window and kept looking at the sky. There are something in life which happen without a reason and that too when you least expect it.  Such was the case with Anita.

In her not-so-good but all in all okayish life thousands of problems to solve, one sudden problem and that too from a close friend of her made her feel restless.

Everything was okay since morning when suddenly a close friend of her called up. Anita being delighted picked up the phone quickly. But little did she comprehend that her close friend was more in a vindictive mood rather than her usual sweet and soft mood.

Since something has not worked properly in her life Anita's friend found it to be a good solution to call up Anita and let out all her frustrations on her. And Anita being too taken aback didnt find the actual words to fit her reply. Anita's friend was relieved of all her frustrations because Anita didnt treat her in the same way. Little did she realise that by blaming her she has actually ended up the sweet bond between them. At least the relationship has developed a crack if not entirely broken.

Well the readers must be thinking if the friendship is strong then these silly things never matter. But what if when you are struggling in your own life and suddenly someone dumps you with even more problems? What if you cannot retaliate in the same way?

Anita had only two choices. Either to answer her back which in this case she didnt and hence had to  let go off the thoughts which kept on bothering her. There are many things which we have to swallow just because we were unable to answer those people that we are not the root cause of the problems in your life. We always try to extend our hand for help. But what if those people never want your help? They simply want you as a media to release their stress but being sadistic. You will have to just let it go. Because confrontation always doesnt lead to positive results.

Suicides can never be a solution to the problems

Everyday or the other when I go through the newspaper there is atleast 1 case of suicide. Whether a teenage has failed to clear his/her board exams or be it love issues people happily kill themselves because they think that is the end of the world.

Recently a Bengali film was released based on this very idea. The film is named as Hemlock Society. In this film the story involves round a girl named Meghna whose perfect life suddenly collapsed like a pack of cards. She never used to love her father.Her father had remarried after the demise of his first wife and thus the girl refused to stay with them and shifted instead to an apartment with her boyfriend.

Meghna knew her boyfriend for the past 14 years and they were about to get married very shortly. It was just a week before their marriage that Meghna discovered her boyfriend in a music concert , kissing some other girl. Unable to bear that she rushes out alone in the street while her boyfriend came running from behind to provide the meaningless explanations. He finally declares that there was nothing left in their relationship and that they hardly have anything to say to each other.Just like many other not so brave boyfriend he confides that he wanted to tell her these things but somehow he couldnt.

Meghna was shattered. She kept on crying . In a desperation she thought of ending her life. She approached her father who was a doctor and asked to prescribe  some sleeping pills. As she approached the chemist , the hero of the movie saw her and knew that she would soon commit suicide. Back to her apartment Meghna was completly drunk and just as she was about to take those pills when the hero enters and stops her from doing so.. Well like every movie this was expected.

The story takes a different turn when the hero said that he runs an organisation called Hemlock Society where people are trained physically,mentally and technically how to commit suicide. As with most sleeping pills or cutting the wrist may not lead to the death  hence they ensure that every step is carried out with perfection so that the people can die perfectly.

He takes her to the organisation. No matter his style of speaking, attitude and behaviour all lead to Meghna's liking for him.

In the organisation there were different teachers who would teach them various methods of suicide like cutting the wrist, hanging,shooting,jumping in front of train etc. And at the end of every class students would be given an exercise to know each other's plan of committing suicide and trying to find out the flaw in that. It was a total of  3 days workshop.

As the workshop started and teachers started demonstrating the methods , many students fainted, some puked and others shrieked. And after the classes when Meghna went for the exercise and asked other people their reason to commit suicide , she came to know that her problems are far less than most of them.

In one of such exercise she met a retired colonel who said that "Suicide is a crime which one commits to those whom he leaves behind". He just asked her that when u want to look at the rainbow do u need a boyfriend? When u want to go carry out your day to day activities do u need a boyfriend for that? Meghna was angry and answered curtly "NO". To this the man said "I need a person every time to do everything which I want to or I wish to." The man was actually paralysed and was moving in a wheelchair.

At the end of the workshop Meghna decided to change her mind. As she went to say these to the hero , he rebuked her for being whimsical. When Meghna finally said that she loves him he told the truth behind all the stories. He was a millionaire who had been suddenly diagnosed with Blood cancer and would hardly survive a couple of years more. He started a film city and within that he used to run these kind of  "pro life workshop" in disguise of "assisted suicide workshop" .

It is by this workshop people are shown death more closely and are made realised that they are somewhat better than many other persons. He used to flirt around girls so that they again learn to fall in love. The teachers were all paid actors working for his "negative therapy".

Slowly Meghna made her way back to her parents house and started to take problems easily.

The film clearly depicted that suicide was never  solution to any problem and it can never be. It is just that we are consoling ourselves by running away from it. I always used to wonder what if a student has failed in the board exam. Will he not be able to make it the second time. By ending his life and leaving his parents in shock is he doing justice? What if a relationship breaks up? Arent  we matured enough to live the life we want and probably get someone more desiring? What solution will it bring if we end up our lives? Tensions are present everywhere  be it in our home, personal or professional life. But in order to solve them we need to face them . How can we do that if we cease to exist? And what about those whom we are leaving behind?Are we doing justice to them.


Such thoughts can never be made understood by just saying. There only this "negative therapy" comes to play. And since our generation is mostly insecured and constantly needs some kind of appreciation to live or to perform  the "negative therapy" is becoming more a requirement.

Goodbye Vivek

It was midnight. The patient at Ward No 3 was complaining of tremendous pain. The nurse was frightened. She hurried up to call the doctor. The patient was a young man suffering from kidney problems and has been admitted to the hospital after he felt severe pain while giving a presentation in front of the higher management of his company.

The doctor has already diagnosed his condition and after giving him some medicines , he left for the day. The nurse called him over the phone. "Hello Dr Joshi the patient at Ward No 3 is having a tremendous pain..He is literally screaming. I cant control him. Please doctor can you come and check him?" The doctor replied "Ok sister it will take around half and hour for me to reach there.If the pain increases give him an injection. I am coming."

One hour later the boy had to be taken at the operation theatre. 

Next day morning the doctor came to see him at the ICU. 

Doctor:"How are you feeling Vivek?"

Vivek: "Better"

Doctor: "We will keep you under observation for another day and then we can shift you to the General Ward."

Vivek: "Thanks doctor for saving my life."

The doctor smiled."I only did my job. You should thank the girl who gave away her kidney so that you can be saved and unfortunately lost the battle of life herself."

Vivek was stunned."What do you mean?"

The doctor patiently said "I mean exactly what I said. There was a girl admitted few days back due to cancer. She knew she was not going to make it. When I came last night I had to operate you else you wouldnt have been alive. Your family members and the hospital authority were trying every possible things to arrange for a kidney donor. Unfortunately we were not getting any. We needed to operate you immediately so as the time was passing we all were tensed. Fortunately that girl came up and wished to donate her kidney. I was surprised as if she gives away her kidney she might not be alive.Her second kidney was not functioning. She pleaded me to save your life. I dont know if she knows you or not. And must tell you it was the toughest situation of my entire medical career. If I save your life she will die and if not then you will pass away.

And after all the formalities and consent from both your and hers family and doctors I operated you and gave you her kidney. Now you are out of danger but as I said we lost her.

Vivek was shocked. "What is her name?"

The doctor replied "Her name was Neha."

Vivek: "Doctor can I meet her family members?"

Doctor: "I am afraid they have taken their daughter's body for burial."

Vivek's mind kept racing. Was she his ex gf Neha? No no it cant be her. She is in Bangalore.How can she be at Delhi? It must be somebody else.

At that time Vivek's mother came in. "How are you beta?"

Vivek: "I am fine Ma. Who was the girl who saved my life?"

Vivek's Mother: "Yes beta. A messenger of God. She said she was your college friend and since she knew she would die soon she donated her kidney and prayed that your life should be saved first. I dont know why she did this. She would have been alive a few more days had she not donated her kidney. The second kidney was not working.She was not able to walk also. She was on a wheelchair. Such a pretty girl. I feel sorry for her. But she has given you this letter.You take rest I will just have a word with the doctor."

She handed Vivek that letter.

Vivek opened that letter and started reading.

Dear Vivek

 I know by the time you are reading this I am too far away from you. I kept on telling you not to smoke too much but you never listened to me. I hope you are much relieved a person now and have improved a lot in your career as I am not around to fuss or quarrel or do silly things. I admit I was too heartbroken when you left me like that. But love never dies. I didnt tell you that I had cancer.And you left me when I needed your support the most. But I am true to my promise. I didnt leave you. This is the best I can do for you. I hope the operation will save your life.Goodbye Vivek. All the best and take care.

Yours truly

Neha Mathur

Vivek started crying. Neha has taken her revenge for his wrong.She sacrificed her life so that he can be saved.She punished herself instead . And Vivek was too much self centred to know her true worth.